If he gives the job to you I think you should donate 10% of your fee to Teh Forum as an administrative fee ;)
The noises commonly associated with flatulence are caused by the vibration of the anal sphincter, and not by the buttocks. The sound varies depending on the tightness of the sphincter muscle and velocity of the gas being propelled, as well as other factors such as water and body fat. The auditory pitch (sound) of the flatulence outburst can also be affected by the anal embouchure.
Not trains that will get me to London for a Film & Video Umbrella emergency board meeting at 6pm tonight, then get me & a fucking great tool box to my mum's in Chipping Campden for first thing tomorrow morning for moving-her-back-into-her-house-after-eight-months-flood-damage-restoration duties.
What a dutiful chairman and son I am. And lavishly tooled.
"We all have flaws, and mine is being wicked." James Thurber, The Thirteen Clocks 1951