Travelling back to the present day: Mark Rendle acknowledges that he could be Peter Kay's bumlove.

I rest my case.

Tampax is renamed "Andy Black 5" in memoriam.

The lost city of Atlantis rises from beneath the Guantanamo Sea. King of Atlantis Robert Maxwell joins with the Government of Paraguay in declaring Holy War upon the Vatican and the Allies dispatch a crusade to recover the holy relics of St Rendle the Martha.

Elsewhere, peacocks evolve self-awareness and formulate a rudimentary form of language, in which the only adjective is 'spafe'.

Andy Black is assassinated and all traces of him from history are removed.

The parakeets are suspiciously quiet.

(someone should make this into a storee type thing)

The illuminati descend momentarily from their Ivory tower and quietly arrange for the 'illumanti' to disappear.

The parakeets notice, but are unable to claim a rebate on the attention tax, because they can't fill in the requisite ninety-page Inland Revenue form.