I particularly enjoyed the section where dog  shit was massaged into the carpet with fingertips.

Are you implying that there are other ways of getting rid of it? :O

How would you do it?

Well, so many possibilities. My natural inclination would be to spread some impermeable substance such as bitumen over the top. Failing that, the  area of soiling can be completely removed with a utility knife and the underlay or board etc. sterilised by any appropriate means such as a blowlamp. Of course, for many situations the easiest option would be to simply lock the door of the affected room and abandon it. 

 :'-D 

Apparently, if you ram a couple of Miracle Slurp-eez up your dog's star asset they have enough capacity to prevent any soiling for several weeks before they need a change.

A Slurpee is a treat sold in 7-11 convenience stores, now with non-immigrant cashiers, made from shaved ice, sugar, artifical color and flavorings. Mostly sugar.

Hmm, stuffing that up your dog would be amazingly cruel.

And finding a dog willing enough to take such a thing would be miraculous.

I have a folding machine already, it's called a wife... :)