I'm really sorry to hear that JOE :(

Rubbish mate. I am sorry you have to make those sort of decisions, that must be awful. Me and my wife have had a few conversations about what we would do if that situation arose and we were both on the same wave length. I hope you two can talk it through and make a decision soon, don't leave it hanging, it won't help you are the baby.

 

Sorry. Is it entirely hopeless then?
  That's a tough one for sure.

Sorry to hear that :( 

:( big manly hugs, whatever you decide and whatever happens I honestly hope it's for the better.

Sorry ((((Joe and family)))) x

What's done is done...well, this time last week actually.

Long story short, the foetus had Downs. In some ways, the decision would have been easier had the foetus had Edward's or Patau syndrome as they essentially make the foetus unviable and the decision is made for you.

Downs is a much trickier decision. Essentially, I thought Downs was slight to severe mental disability along with the slight physical deformities that are signature to Downs. Turns out after reading (fucking loads) that all that is just the tip of the iceberg, and amongst many other reasons, we're older parents and didn't feel we had the right to sign up our perfectly healthy daughter to look after a disabled sibling after we pop our clogs.

I know other people might have different views on this stuff, and frankly, it's been a week I still have trouble with the decision we made even though I know it was the 'right' one for us and our family, but it still sucks and I can't get the 'heart beating on the scan' memories out of my head for more than a couple of minutes at a time. Shit, at 12 weeks they look fully fucking formed on the screen.

Anyway, I need to draw a line and venting does make me feel a bit better. What's done is done. Move on, move on.

(hug)

Vent away.

In my completely unqualified opinion this is more than enough of a reason.

Not that this makes things easier, but I agree with Ant. I think we would've made the same decision*.

Sorry all the same :(

* Fiona and I, not Ant and I.

Horrible decision to have to make. :(

Sorry to hear about this - hugs!

I cannot begin to imagine having to make a decision as you did; there are too many variables.

I may have mentioned in this forum at one time or another that my daughter has epilepsy, medically intractable. She is on a lot of medication that has many effects on her as the epilepsy itself does. By all appearances she seems "normal" to everyone, but that changes quickly if they happen to view one of her seizures.

During school, the kids were not particularly kind to her, especially [some of] her "friends". There was one girl up our street who Sarah was friendly with, being her first friend when they moved to our neighbourhood. Dayna and Sarah played a lot together early on, but when Sarah was diagnosed with E at 11, things started to change as did the circle of friends. Dayna became "popular" and spent less time with Sarah, especially after Sarah began having the seizures. This was mostly due to other friend's influences.

Unfortunately, Dayna was discovered to have desmoplastic small round "blue cell" tumour cancer (DSRCT) at age 15, an unusual and agressive form of cancer that usually only affects boys (5-1). Sarah loved Dayna; I know this because she still sleeps with a plush moose toy that they bought together early on. She cherishes a few things that Dayna's mom gave her after Dayna died, a mere 8 months after diagnosis. Unfortunately because the other girls were mostly around, Sarah was not comfortable being with them, so Dayna missed out on support from a person who could have helped a lot.

I shudder to think of what Dayna's parents - or I - might have decided to do were we given a choice during pregnancy. I am not sure which heartache would be worse.

Blessings and peace to you.

It doesn't bear thinking about really. Of course, you know had the testing process come up negative throughout and Downs (or something else) sneaked through, you would have still loved that child with all your heart despite decisions you might have made had you of known early on what to expect. It's thoughts like that that make the decision hard to reconcile.

There's no easy out with these situations, and of course you never know what's around the corner (as Dayna's poor parents had to endure). Everyone probably has stories like these (I have a cousin that died at 16 of an inoperable brain tumour that she'd lived with since pre-puberty), and maybe it's kind of a morbid solace you can take in that you're not the only one who's had to make these decisions, and other people know what you've gone through. I mean, the person we saw at Broomfield Hospital is essentially the 'bad news' midwife. That's her job...her full time job. That tells you something. It really is a miracle when they pop out healthy!

Thanks.

 :'-( 
Still big manly hugs, seriously.. 

I sense the love for the child in any case.

((((Jeez & Ms. Jeez)))) Emotionally harrowing decision to have to make.  I'd have made same decision as long as my partner was of the same opinion.

Sorry you had such a hard decision to make.

OK, as you alluded to, I'm someone who might not have made the same decision, but I'm already in at the deep end, so have a different perspective, anyhow. Though, truth be known, if I got knocked up, now, I'd be in a right old panic and seriously doubting if we could introduce anyone else to our family without Consequences,so there would be a similar decision to make for different reasons. It's a case of doing what's best for the family you have.