"meander helplessly and hopelessly through the endless convolutions"

Ah, I thought that was just a local configuration. After a few goes I learned to avoid the inescapable showroom maze, where you might spot a product, but you can't buy it, and you can't find your way back to the um ... stockrooms? where you can't find that category let alone the specific product. I think that's how we ended up with the particular model. Finding light bulbs to fit it was a different expedition.

Ah yes, the IKEA system where you want to buy a soap dish (KLENEPOT) so you jot down a string of letters and numbers only to find it's in sections spread over 6 aisles in the warehouse bit, and you need a trolley which was in the bay half a mile back.

That is true. They also have ÄPPELKAKA which means apple cake, but it isn't cake - it's the name of a range of stuff. Similarly they have KACKLING and that's a kind of anglicised version of KACKLA which means, yes, cackling.