No, I'm thinking why did PB start this thread if he is not, in fact, planning to spend 64 days on a (not Mount) Desert Island with total budget of 1024 squids?
 (pyfitg)

Oh, and will he spend his nights on a luxury yacht anchored offshore?

(no, no he won't, for he is not going to a desert island for even one day).
 

Well, who /would/ want to leave So. Croydon?

It's like a desert island?

Well, funny you should say that... :S

Whilst it was a hypothetical situation, it turns out fate has decided my near future will indeed involve packing light and surviving in a tent surrounded by sand and trees, for more than one day.

Ok, so it's not on an island, and apparently there's a nearby village supermarket which may or not make food simple, but I still have to figure out a sleeping bag and whatever the fuck else I'm going to need, whilst hoping the "tent" actually turns out to be sticks or bricks and containing appliances...

Flooded out?

You're off on holiday, possibly camping, but hoping for a hotel?

Hotel, chalet, B&B, caravan... any of those would be fantastic.

Trying to remember my last time in a tent... some time last millennium, but nothing's coming back to me...

https://www.tripadvisor.com/

Don't waste the money on a fleshlight, you can do some pretty freaky stuff with a coconut. 

A coconut opener and a set of torx security screw drivers. 

Isn't a coconut opener just a big ass machete?

Not if you want to fuck it. Depending on your penis, I guess,

I don't.

Depends, is that different to a normal machete?

There is no "normal" machete

I don't think I want his ass on my coconuts.

So was this thread actually your coronavirus planning brainstorm, then?

He's a clever boy in't he?

Not that clever - the quarantine is 84 days + and he's only planned for 64!

Nobody listed soap... :/