We definitely need a progress report on this one.

Who was in charge of this? Was it Xen?

It was indeed Xen, which probably explains the lack of progress (except in the development of cigarette ash)

Put the fag out and get it sorted you dirty layabout.

I've emailed Monsanto about this on numerous* occasions and they've simply shown no willingness to co-operate. I think we may have to find an even more evil corporation to partner with, any suggestions?

* one is a number.

Philip Morris? You must have some influence there.

Should we perhaps go with a government? Maybe if we include some sort of spying ability, we could get funding from the NSA. 

If you can wait a month, we might be in a position to ask the Scottish government if they can help. Stands to reason it'd be a good shout, what with the expertise in cloning*, odd animals** and miniaturisation*** we have in Scotland.

*Dolly the Sheep
**Haggis, Nessie, Dolly the Sheep
***Ronnie Corbett

But then they'd all be sleekit and timorous.

Didn't your Scottish miniaturisation experiments lead to that whole Krankies thing? I would've thought it strictly verboten since that happened.

Mouse seems to be doing some sort of experiment. Just not sure if it's miniaturisation or giganticising (that's now a word).

Good point! Mouse, get some animals into this experiment!

And Shetland ponies!

Sounds like a plan. You need to start campaigning for 'Yes'.

Ponies are effete affectations of the bourgoisie.  Political correctness gone mad.  We want mini-dinosaurs and we cannot lie.

I'll ask everyone I know to vote Yes because I want miniature dinosaurs. (Rather than asking them to vote Yes because I believe it's an opportunity for a more progressive and socially democratic nation which better suits the needs of the people, like I've been doing just now).

I am entirely for 'Yes' for all of the reasons you said. Unfortunately you'll saddle us with a permanent Tory government. So fuck you.

That's my issue with this independence thing. Love them to vote Yes for their own benefit but it fucks us when it comes to our parliament.

Still, it'll be our own fault. Referendum for Northern independence tbh.

Yeah, sorry about that. Unfortunately, I think you'll get a Tory government regardless of what happens in Scotland.

Makes me wonder why the hell Cameron is opposing independence from the whinging Scots. Surely it would help the Tories.