castle is "ca" as in "car" (not "cat") and "stle" as in "whistle"

But it's not.

 

"ca" as in "cat" without the t. Then "stle" like you said in "whistle".

I fear you may just be urinating into a oncoming gale.

I can't determine if you say whistle wrong, or if that's just your accent. :/

Maybe we need to have a "how to speak proper" bit, so we can stop trying to write sounds using half-arsed non-phonetics, and actually educate those that insist on inserting a 'u' between 'lm' (and similar nonsense).

A section where Mr Bastard teaches me to speak all proper like would be good.

 

'The caart is in the carrstle having a baaarth'

That would be a great section. I want to learn to talk proper like too.

Do caaaaarts have baaaaarths? I always imagined them as being shaaaaaar vehicles meself.

I'm not convinced that carrstles have gahraaaahjes either

You have a point there. I think they have baaaarn yaaaards.

 

Yeah, I know that's said the same way either side of the watford gap, but the elongated vowel sounds make it sound more toff. :Y

Fucking northerners

Oh dear, I hope your knowledge of chemistry is better than your language skills or you'll be joining Greg on his Noddy no-hope-of-a-job course.

It's not much better, but just enough to get by.

Yes, suvveners all speak proper, like.

I don't speak proper. I say "Rasscle" rather than "Rarscle" (sp: Rascal) and "Garidge" rather than "Gararge" (Garage).

Probably a few more examples but I just fancied baiting the northerners a bit earlier.

What in fuck is a rasscle?

Oh rascal. Haha.

Indeed. Fuck knows what I thought I was spelling then. I shall edit forthwith.

Was the name of a pub at Uni which was frequented by a large proportion of northerners who laughed at me for saying "rarscle".

I leave you alone for one day and look what happens.

As a midlander, I am clearly utterly objective in this matter and can therefore conclusively reveal to you, here tonight, the correct pronunciations of various words:

1. Castle is pronounced castle and not car-sul.
2. Grass is pronounced grass and not grarse.
3. Bath is pronounced bath and not barth.

You may notice that, in many of these cases, the clue is in the spelling.


Now, that aside, I think all will agree that I do indeed have a dull and indecipherable voice. Not really down to my accent, more my actual voice itself. Which is a shame, as I'd quite like to do presenting.

Mouse would be fucking great as a presenter, I feel. He has a good clear voice and is witty/funny with it. He obviously has the advantage of not sounding like a southerner, but I am not judging on those criteria.

Sinky would be an ideal presenter because he has a sexy voice and everyone in the world would listen just to hear him and possibly masturbate. Unfortunately I doubt he'd do it.

I like Ant's voice but that's probably just cos he sounds quite hard like he'd twat you as soon as look at you. I respect that.

Who else is in the running? I want to judge voices. I like judging things.

Fuck you.