Four hours on the train! Bums! That's 2/3s of my journey to Scotland. But wait! What if I come home then...

 

Ok, I'm a provisional if I can arrange to get home on the sunday and can have a place to stay and store my worldly goods.

Grand. My better half says she wouldn't have you again anyway, after the disappointment with the loofah.

Bind the Sheffield possie to you with chains of iron on Friday night so they're obliged to clank after you all the way back up to civilisation on the Saturday. And bring their women too. Especially Dyl's.

I might bring my second best woman if she's around these parts at the time. Ricard00, get your tongue back in your head.

Oi! Shankill butchers, get him!

But you are more than welcome to a night of stolen delight with either Ginger, Sweaty, Hiss or Evel. Or indeed a sofa. Your worldly goods will be forfeit, however.

Dammit. I have some good worldly goods.

They're my goods now Dave SkeletonBoff.

Slag.

I've lost her mobile number :-((

I'll sell it you.

She's found love. Again. Nice bloke though, if a little goateed for my own tastes.

It was entrusted to me so that in future invites would be extended to her, as your senility often catches you out...

 

...Remember?

So you say. I can't remember any such arrangement. Ah. Pmed.

It's always worked for you in the past. The number of times she's confided in me that if only the florid one in the corner had so much as looked at her, she'd have squeezed the last drop of juice out of him with any muscle he elected...

That should crack it if nothing else does.

Do you think Steve 'The Man' Manthorpe, to give him his wrestler name, would care?

This is the Taoist way. Or would be, if persistent had been spelled right.